As I come back from last year’s injury and jump right back into throwing, pitching, and facing hitters, I see my competitive spirit threatening to turn into perfectionism, as it has many times before.

I always want to do my best in every aspect of my life, as for the Lord, but when my competitiveness drives me to accept only perfection from myself, I know that is not from the Lord. Coming off of my injury last season, I have a burning desire to be right back where I was—and where I know I can be—in my pitching and when I don’t immediately meet those expectations it’s easy to lose patience, peace, and contentment. When spring training first began this year I went in with high expectations to perform at my highest level, and when I found I wasn’t quite there yet, it discouraged and frustrated me.  

The Lord quickly brought me to a place of humility and used one of my teammates to speak truth to me. His testimony about coming back from an injury, even if it took some time, really encouraged me and reminded me of the Lord’s faithfulness. The truth of the situation was that I didn’t need to reach perfection right away, I needed to accept grace in failure. I needed to remind myself that this was the first time I was throwing to hitters since my injury in May; I shouldn’t expect to be perfect.

I know I’ll have occasional thoughts of insecurity and doubt about my game when the results don’t show, as so many of my teammates do. But when doubts about being “good enough” surface, they reveal the inside of my heart—how much I truly trust in God and His plan. I’m not saying that the Lord’s plan is for me to be the best player out there—maybe it’s not—but whether or not I make it to the Majors, I want to offer up my career and my life to God so He can do with it what He pleases. Whenever I try to close a tight fist around my life, trying to control it, that is when these doubts and fears can have a crippling effect in my heart.

When doubts begin to surface, I don’t try to hold them in or deny that they are there, instead I go before the Lord in humility and admit my fears. Having an honest conversation with God through prayer, and confessing what I am battling with to other believers, can give me freedom from anxiety. The Lord uses His Word and the community of believers He surrounds us with to lead us back to His truths. These are the truths that we need to latch onto and believe so that we don’t give into the lies that the enemy will throw at us when we are most vulnerable.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” —James 5:16

The more I take these moments to God and confess my struggle to other believers, the more quickly I am able to recognize these thoughts when they come around the next time. In the same way, I want my brothers and sisters to come to me, trusting me with what they’re facing so that I can help carry their burdens and hopefully point them back to Christ. The Bible talks about two being better than one; this idea of reconciliation and redemption within the body of Christ requires us to encourage and strengthen each other in our moments of weakness. But in order to combat these lies with the truth, we have to be willing to be vulnerable with each other. This truth spurs me on to want to talk about my insecurities with other people so they can help me carry my burden and, in turn, I can be there to carry theirs.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” —Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

When I’m struggling with a heart issue, the last thing I need to do is internalize and rationalize it (which is sometimes the most natural thing to do). If I do, then I find myself living an even bigger lie, falling into even further vulnerability to doubt God’s faithfulness. God can use conversation within community, along with His Word, to prune the parts of our lives that aren’t bearing fruit for His Kingdom. When we’re honest with both God and with our brothers, God will mold us to be more like Jesus and bring us a peace that nothing else can.

—Mark Appel

Mark Appel is a regular contributor to The Increase, providing monthly articles and opinions.

View Mark’s Increase Profile here: http://theincreasebaseball.com/author/markappel/

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